The Greater Good

Great Leaders empower others to be and do their best. Smart leaders practice what they preach. Strong Leaders lead by example and are willing to teach. The best leaders do all three. The worst micro-manage, control, disempower, devalue and even create hostile work environments, a hotbed of gossip and poor morale. Most humans have experienced both. We become entrepreneurs and bosses to do better, to improve, to achieve, to make money and make a difference. We succeed and do our best work when we know who we are, love what we do, invest in our passion, and share it with others. When we work together, there is no lack and no goal is too big to accomplish.

We are learning, but we are not yet growing. With the onset of normalized narcissism, we are daily bombarded by hostility. Everything is competitive and adversarial. Everything is about warfare and winning. While the competitive rush for supremacy, ownership, and control of resources spins around us in hyper-speed, we still live in real time, where obligations and responsibilities need to be fulfilled.

We now know we are manipulated, lied to, managed, and played. We don’t mind when it’s fair, but it isn’t. It’s transactional, cruel and inhumane. We don’t respond well to force, and we’re even less adaptable to change, but given the choice between mindless domestication and obedience or accountability and self-governance, I’m choosing Self-Respect and Sovereignty every time.

We are fearful, shocked, and dismayed or self-righteous and combative. We don’t know what to do, and we don’t know how to cope, not because there’s anything wrong with us, but because we’ve never seen this side of ourselves out there in front on the main stage in real life — and we’re terrified that if we look now, we will never again be able to function, be healthy and well, or live with ourselves or each other. But we must look, and we must see, and we must heal this terrible wound we’ve created in ourselves and in our world by allowing darkness to govern.

It has become very clear to most of us: without self-awareness, self-control, functional justice, and ethical standards, we are no more than warrior ants fighting over a slice of peach fallen below the picnic table.

I think we can do better for ourselves and our planet, and based on what you have said you want and need, I’ve produced a new body of work: The Lore of Self Respect, The 24-Hour Self-Respect Challenge, The 5-Day Self-Respect Challenge Workbook, and the made-for-you guide, Sovereign Self-Defense, to help navigate this most challenging lesson. We are being asked to see ourselves and choose to heal. Saying, Yes! and taking action now would be helpful.

You told us where you’re at and asked for what you need. I’ve done my best to provide, and hope, with my whole heart, it truly helps. I look forward to finding out and moving forward together. https://silversagespiritualcounseling.com/self-respect-challenge Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now. SS

We are becoming adept at identifying what’s wrong “out there.” We talk openly about toxicity, corruption, abuses of power, and “criminal tyranny.” We are rightly disturbed and concerned, but we have not yet Chosen To Learn. 

Awareness matters, but it’s only the first step. The harder, braver work is examining how the elements of Denial — Superiority, Entitlement, Arrogance and Judgment — show up in our thinking and behavior towards the self, peers, colleagues, clients, friends, and even strangers online.

When Denial is Activated in Our Lesson Plan, Insta-Judge is Always-On. We Dismiss, Discount, Refuse, Reject, Denigrate, Criticize, Cold-Shoulder or Shut Out anything we don’t like with and without awareness. Nothing gets in. Indignation rules. Fury pours out. Bitterness, Anger, Resentment, and Adversarial Congress are normalized. Work becomes warfare. Work becomes toxic. Work becomes Hell.

Leadership sets the example by modeling desired behavior and cultivating success in others. By Choosing To Learn, we shift from defensive outrage to meaningful accountability. We engage curiosity over contempt, responsibility over blame, gratitude over entitlement, and humility over arrogance.

In practical terms, we accept our humanity. We Choose to Admit to and Learn from our Mistakes. We become responsible for the impact of our thoughts words and deeds, and cultivate environments in which repair happens after harm is done. We develop the habit of examining the self before condemning others, especially in public forums.

The leaders we need now see the truth, admit, reckon and choose to do their own work first. They eschew hypocrisy in all forms, and let the work shape how they show up in the world — Calm, Congruent, Confident, Self-Assured and Self-Possessed - ready, willing and able to identify and fix what’s broken, Learn The Lessons, and move forward with Wisdom, Humility, Gratitude and Grace.

In light of our refreshed clarity, What does “Do No Harm” mean to you in your professional life right now? 

Lead with Integrity. People will follow. 

A coworker once said, You have to stop enjoying work so much! You’re making the rest of us look bad! 

What he didn’t say, You’re making us feel bad about ourselves.

The boss said, You’ve surprised us. Instead of failing in a bottleneck, you rebuilt the road! Indeed. My notebook became their teaching and service manual.

As an employer, leader, or consumer, which kind of employee would you prefer? The one who resets the bar or the one who skims under it?  

Solopreneurs, leaders, innovators and creators understand the best way to lead and teach is by example. Confidence and trust in your organization and your team is a blessing you create and build to inspire trust and confidence in others. 

1. Choose Peace. Humans at Peace Within have no need to be Offensive, or Defensive. We’re not at war. There is no Battle. When we know who we are, we are not threatened by talent, creativity, enthusiasm, opinions or judgments. We recognize and embrace every opportunity to understand, to learn, to improve, and to move forward.

2. Cultivate willingness and cooperation. Humans accomplish best with focused goals and rewards that let us feel good about ourselves and our work. When you empower others to be and do their best, they will often surprise you by revealing hidden talents that can be honed to mutual advantage. 

3. Spectacular fails yield spectacular solutions, and Collaboration raises the bar on accomplishment. Part of innovation is willingness to listen, to learn, incorporate and experiment. Seek out, embrace, include, encourage, empower, promote and reward brilliance.

4. Remember: It’s not personal until it is; and you know the difference. There is no battle except within and for the self. As long as we are not formally enlisted, our weapons remain at rest. We do not Judge. We do not Devalue, Dismiss or Diminish. When it is personal, we Choose Honor, Respect and Resolution over Adversarial Congress.  

5. We’re never done. There’s always more To Learn. When we don’t know (It happens!) we refrain from assuming, making it up or filling in the blanks. Rather: We Observe. We Question. We Listen. We Recognize. We Acknowledge. We seek assistance. We Admit. We Assess. We Choose to engage compassion and take appropriate action. Even when we fail, we learn and move forward, wiser and grateful for the experience.

6. Lead By Example. No one respects a hypocrite. A Peaceful, Purposeful, Organized, Honoring and Respectful Leader grows and tends a thriving, productive enterprise by cultivating the honor, respect and success of every human in their sphere of influence. When we choose to uplift, teach, empower and reward the positive, even when we need to do something hard, like dissolve a difficult relationship, it behooves us to be kind. 

Who would you rather work with? The human who empowers you to excel or the one who rules with an iron thumb? 

The Teacher asked, Other than for animals, What have you done out of the goodness of your heart?

Stopped in my tracks I turned inward. This is what I was shown:

I’m 25, living in Southern California, making my way as an executive in TV Syndication. While on the bus from downtown LA to Van Nuys in The Valley I observe four, streetwise men ogling a young woman sparely dressed in tiny shorts, a tube top and flimsy sandals over bare feet, seated nearby. There was no mistaking their lascivious and potentially deadly intentions. 

Lost in her own thoughts, she seemed clueless. 

I don’t remember how I got her off the bus with me at my stop. But I know those men looked disappointed, hungry predators thwarted. As we walked to my apartment, I told her what I’d observed. Once inside, I filled a bag with two pairs of jeans, a few, more demure tops, a sweater, some socks and a pair of tennis shoes. When her safe way home was secured, I admonished her to please, never again ride the bus half naked and wished her well. 

Within the hour a purposeful, middle aged matron appeared at my door asking to verify the girl’s veracity. When satisfied, she thanked me for probably saving her life. 

I never knew her name or the matron’s. I was there, and I could, so I did, and it mattered, and it felt so very good to be kind.

Spiritual Generosity is willingness to show up and act from the Goodness of Your Heart. No recognition or recompense required.

Being thoughtful of others reminds us we’re not alone. Everyone hurts. Everyone struggles. Kindness never hurt anyone. Open and hold a door for someone. Wait your turn at Stop! Signs. Slow down. Use the blinker. Lower the volume. Ask how someone is and Listen to their answer. Make someone laugh. You never know how far a spark of Kindness can travel. No planes, trains, drama, stress, ugly sweaters or price tags required. 

At the end of the day, the only relationship that really matters is the one you have with yourself. May it be glorious, expansive, and filled with self-respect, abundance and unconditional Love. 

 We don’t know. We can hope.

As we recognize the costs of chaos, confusion, denial, and damage more  upheaval is about all we can count on. Given that, it is up to each of us to maintain our sensibilities even as we do what we must.

We see what it looks like when men have no limits. We see there are no boundaries on the cruelty, depravity, or horrors humans can produce. We get that we have equal potential for universal greatness and wholesale destruction.

It’s time to choose your path. It’s easy to choose the beaten one. It’s the one paved with Denial. We can clearly see the damage being done. The only way to help, fix, solve or change things for the better is to Stop!! Stop! Hiding from and Lying to your Self. Stop! Hiding from and Lying to others. Stop! Trying to do stuff you’re ashamed of or want to get away with. Just Stop! It’s the healthiest, most self-loving, honoring and respectful thing you will ever do for your Self.

Hopeful New Year. Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now. SS

Lie, Delay, Deny is expensive for everyone. Our not-health-not-care systems create and maintain illness, drug-dependence, suffering and pain for profit. Our superior, entitled, arrogant, newly AI driven, backwards economy thrives on it; and we pay for it with our money, energy, life-blood, pain, anguish and time. 

With every effort to secure promised and contracted services we are thwarted. We need  to be accountable in systems designed to makes it impossible. We are righteously frustrated, indignant and deeply dissatisfied. The brick wall of Denial that earmarks American health care and commerce is all pervasive. 

Companies, institutions and organizations consistently lie to us about the quality of their products and services. They damage us, blame us, and make us responsible for their lemons and mistakes while smugly refusing to honor their professional oaths, guarantees, warrantees, hardware and service contracts, and wonder why they are so deeply and thoroughly despised.

There is nothing new about profound blindness to the self. Nothing new in superiority, arrogance or entitlement. There is nothing new about avarice, ignorance, mediocrity, sub-standard service, avoidance, neglect or gaslighting for profit. What’s new is our willingness to recognize, acknowledge, admit to and talk about the damage, the injustice, the costs and the righteous indignation born from our experiences in dealing with it.

Our systems are designed to be expensive, inefficient, bureaucratic, avaricious, irresponsible, difficult and often impossible to navigate. People in these systems are offended when we call out their inefficiency, and pretend they don’t know what we’re talking about. They may not. 

Denial Rejects, Dismisses and Re-Writes Truth to excuse, rationalize and justify criminality with impunity, negligence, prejudice, abuse, hostility and violence while believing itself to be entitled and superior to everyone.

The new norm is fake news, chaos and lies in the front while robbing you blind from the back: something for nothing, kicks for free, lie, delay, dismiss, deny until it negatively affects the bottom line and forces a modicum of begrudging accountability. Even then, no one ever admits fault, makes reparation, or apologizes for the damage. The problem is lying, hiding, cheating, stealing, taking, hurting and Denying. The NDA was invented to make reparation dependent upon our silence. 

Maybe if we’d had started with integrity instead of avarice, the current situation would not be so onerous or dire. 

We pay in money, time, energy, and trauma. We pay in scorched and flooded earth, war, genocide, viral contamination, illness, pain, misery, suffering, addiction, disability, illiteracy, sadness, loneliness, isolation, homelessness, depression, hunger and anger. Human unwillingness to admit to and be accountable for our damage creates anarchy and chaos that annihilates trust, erodes civility and destroys our willingness to participate. Profound consistent Denial incites rage, frustration, misery and madness.

As long as we are overwhelmed, the bullies don’t have to Stop! Lying, Cheating, Stealing, Delaying, Dismissing, Discounting, Denying or creating misery for money. In fact, they count on it. Our systems are designed to confuse and keep us silent, dependent, fearful and compliant. They provide the absolute minimum for maximum profit. They are dedicated to satisfying avarice — milking the money cow until there’s nothing left, casually discarding the carcass and forgetting about having done it.

When omnipotence, privilege and impunity are the norm, only the victims are concerned with the costs. It doesn’t seem to matter we’re destroying ourselves and our planet. The people responsible are not concerned about expendable assets. They just want to own and control everything and don’t care who they hurt or what they destroy to get it.

How would you rather spend your life? Playing at war in the Superior, Entitled, Arrogant, weaponized, hypocritical, hostile and volatile Denialista world, or Living In Peace in a healthy, vital, fecund, empowered and beautiful one? 

How about take this golden opportunity to learn, recognize, acknowledge, admit, take responsibility, be accountable and fix what’s broken? 

Long before I was born, the first Belt Hardware was thriving on the corner of McDonald Avenue and Avenue P under the El, in Brooklyn, NY. The second, on the corner of Kings Highway and Nostrand Ave, opened just before my arrival and quickly followed suit.

Belt Hardware in 1932 was like an Ace Hardware now. Innovative at the time, everything a homeowner needed could be found in one happy place where the owners worked six days a week, and I learned the fundamentals of sales and of life watching my daddy do business.

Growing up in Bronx, NY, during The Great Depression, Nathan learned to contribute by running errands and using tools. He could rewire a house, repair a jukebox, build-out a basement, fix a toilet, cut your keys or install a deadbolt. Shrewd as he was, his business persona was warm and welcoming, and when he passed away, I was shocked to see more than two hundred people - almost none of whom I knew - at his funeral. 

My Dad had Charisma—compelling charm that can inspire devotion in others. Beneath a welcoming smile was a savvy, street-smart, no-nonsense survivor who knew his business, knew people, rarely missed a trick and stood up for those he loved. If you asked him, he would say your best tools are:

1. Your Sight: Almost everyone in my family has developed the ability to spot trouble from a distance. As students of human behavior, we can observe someone’s desire, enthusiasm, or excitement; see an objection as it forms and resolve it before it’s even registered, see when someone is sold and ready to move forward. We can also see when someone is prevaricating, pretending or being dishonest. Trust your gut, rely on your experience, refrain from judgment.

2. Your Hearing: Listen. A customer will always tell you what they want and think they need. Our job is to ask and answer questions, make sound recommendations, provide choices, solve problems, make bank, say thank you, ask for referrals, say thank you again, and move forward. 

3. Your Heart: My dad was charming. He knew his customers, their children, and grandchildren, had helped them make their houses into homes. He also sponsored several immigrants, providing the same opportunity his family had when they landed on Ellis Island: Hope, and new life in America. Did he love selling hardware? I don’t know. What he loved was being loved, valued and appreciated. What he loved was being a hero, and to me and two hundred others, for a moment or two, he was. 

Entrepreneurship is a calling to which we respond — body, mind, soul and spirit — because nothing less than all in will fulfill our most passionate desire to achieve our goals. When we are engaged in living our passion and making a positive difference in the world, we get to be of good service to others and love who we are when we do it. What a great life! 

When I started working, Word was Perfect in version 1.1 and sexual harassment was part of the job. Women were expected to be compliant, gracious, and grateful with an attitude of tolerance and servitude that allowed some people to be entitled and superior while taking unfair advantage of others deemed of lesser value. It never worked for me. I never thought of myself as less than. In fact, it was just the opposite, and it was often a problem.

When I started my business, I learned the universal healing algorithm for humans — Honor and Respect The Self and All Others At All Times — is as relevant to success in business as it is to success in life. 

When we choose to become our own head honcho, it is our belief, passion, dedication and purpose that bring value to our work. Our risks are buffered by our desire to like, love and respect who we are, to contribute, to be of service, to be better, to do better, to help, fix, solve or change something that isn’t working, and maybe, hopefully, to set a better example of what’s possible when we choose to be both - abundantly compensated and true to the callings of our heart. Regardless of the magic you bring into the world, at the end of the day, the only relationship that truly matters is the one you have with yourself. 

1. In all things, Be Accountable. Admit to and take responsibility for your mistakes. Humbly celebrate and share your successes.

2. Keep your promises. Honor your contracts. Doing what you say you will do by when you say you will do it inspires positivity, loyalty, referrals and repeat business. 

3. Tell The Truth. Thoughts and words have the power to damage from the inside and out. Tend your words with awareness and intention. Never make empty promises.

4. Do your best to be your best and let it be enough. Tearing yourself apart at the end of the day won’t make anything easier to do tomorrow. Remember, humans learn by failing. Mistakes are part of the process. As long as we are learning, healing and growing, even when it hurts, our job is to learn, choose again, make a plan, and move forward.

5. Be the consultant you wish you had. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Remember to Listen. Choose what works, discard the rest. Make no judgments, harbor no resentments. Be creative. Engage mastery. Remember to ask for referrals.

6. Forgive yourself. Like most of us, I have never failed in a small way. My failures border on spectacular. Here’s what I’ve Learned: admitting to and rectifying an error demonstrates integrity and earns respect. There is nothing as healing as a sincere apology.

7. Honor and Respect the Self first. Why waste valuable time and energy prevaricating when truth is easier and honesty, integrity, honor and respect get better, long-term results?