Compliments

To Rectify or Nullify a Judgment within the Self: Recognize and Acknowledge the Judgment about the Self. The Lesson Plan of Denial defends and protects by attributing and projecting Judgments, Beliefs, and Stories about The Fear of Essential Lack in the self onto others. When I am My Lesson Plan I Judge others the way I was Judged. Bio-mother was at war with her body. I was at war with mine. The original Judgment was: You look like a stuffed sausage!  I have strong opinions about “appropriate, too tight, or too revealing.” My rules for me, are for me, so I am comfortable with myself. A Judgment imposes My Rules for Myself onto others. 

For example: Someone at work is wearing much less than I would find comfortable on a non-work day. A Judgment makes me right and you wrong. Judgment: No bra. Inappropriate. Seems naked. Disrespectful. Recognition: Ooh! Her bareness is disconcerting. I’m a bit uncomfortable. I’m in Lesson. Acknowledgment: I would never be that bold or that brave. Compliment: I admire her confidence! Debrief: What have I Learned about myself? My Judgments? Does it Feel Good? If not, what shall I Choose?

Sincere compliments Recognize and Acknowledge others for being wonderful the way they are. When I am My Lesson Plan I am always aware of being unacceptable as is. Humans who were not Recognized and Acknowledged for our accomplishments, talents, unique Human wonderousness, don’t automatically Recognize and Acknowledge the self or others. (Are you starting To See how this works?)

To give a Sincere Compliment, focus on Joy, Beauty, Awe and Wonder and ask the self, What is special, notable, enjoyable about this moment? You may start with Gratitude. For example: someone at the market helps me check out and get packed without rushing or pressuring me to move faster. I say, “Thank you so much for your patience and kindness. I really appreciate the extra help. Great job. You made my day.” It’s true, or I wouldn’t say it.

You may want to share your experience. For example: Wow! You look amazing! That’s a beautiful ensemble. I love the way you decorated. It’s calm, welcoming and elegant. Your dog has beautiful manners. You can visit us any time you want! See? It’s easy. Recognize and Acknowledge others by Expressing Gratitude and giving a Sincere Compliment. Everyone likes to be appreciated. A Sincere Compliment is like a spark of Love or a whole-body smile — it Feels Good to everyone.

Say, Thank you! I appreciate your saying so! and whatever comes most naturally and graciously after that. No Stories. Enjoy the buzz. Compliments are little gifts of light we give each other.

For some of us, Receiving a Compliment is real challenge. We didn’t hear many nice things growing up; we may not say very many nice things to the self so it can be hard to hear it from others. We Learn this skill the same way we Learn the others. We follow The Plan: Stop! Breathe. Focus. Question. Recognize and Acknowledge The Lesson. Aha! A compliment! This Feels Good! I like it! From now on, when I Receive a Compliment, I am going to Recognize, Acknowledge and Accept the Compliment. I am going to smile, say, Thank you, or Thank you so much; Stop! Talking and let it in.