Power Up!

“That’s the price you pay for waking up in the morning. Everything is in free fall. We’re not wired to cope with that so we’ve all agreed to pretend it is not happening. But it is.” 

The Old Man VI

There’s no way around it.  We can no longer afford to pretend we’re okay. We’re not. Our planet is not. We are plagued by horrors reflected in every aspect of the world around us. We need Peace. We need Healing. We need Love. So, how do we acknowledge Truth and get on with Healing the Self, one another and our shared home in our current age of radical hatred, prejudice, depravity and fascist oppression?

Healing begins the moment you Choose to be your Self. With Power Up!, we aim to help you reduce stress and anxiety about who you have been, accept and appreciate who you are, and Learn to Choose who you become in spite of or because of the horrors imposed upon us. We Can Not Become Them To Survive Them! It doesn’t work. Like our ancestors, we maintain our dignity. We’re in Hell. All the monsters are here. We must keep moving forward. Cultivate Compassion, Gratitude, Forgiveness and Grace as you learn to embrace the Self and All Life with Honor, Respect and Unconditional Love. 

I chose rebellion, resistance, and freedom from the tyranny, judgment, and homogenized conformity demanded from bio-family and of all females in general long before it was in fashion. Needless to say, I never fit.

Commitment to Personal Freedom and Empowerment was costly. More than once, I was judged, found lacking, labeled, vilified, disavowed and discarded like yesterday’s trash for my defiance. It does not Stop! me from Embracing, Accepting, and Learning To Be, Heal, and Love My Self.

This Valentine’s Day I acknowledge and Celebrate the Journey.

Dear Me,

Thank you for Showing Up! Speaking Up! Standing Up!

Thank you for choosing to see, know and accept me as I Am.

Thank you for helping me To Learn, Choose, Heal, and Grow.

Thank you for Learning To Receive and Trust Love.

Thank you for embracing Humility and Gratitude.

Thank you for being courageous in spite of impossible odds.

Thank you for being purposeful, willing and intentional.

Thank you for reading many wonderful books and educating the self.

Thank you for Being Open to The Magic of The Ordinary, allowing your True Nature To Flourish.

Thank you for Learning To Be Patient and Honoring your Process.

Thank you for the strength, resilience, tenacity and Will To Live with Reason, Meaning, and Purpose; to create a life I am proud of; to be someone I like, respect, and enjoy; and by virtue of my work, to be of service to others.

I love you. I am proud of you. I Am Here.

Love, Me.

Here’s what I’ve Learned; It is better to be alone with someone I Love than to be lonely with anyone else. Being My Own Valentine Is Being Content with Someone I Love. Choose Peace. Be Love. SS

1. In all things, be Accountable. Admit to and take responsibility for your mistakes. Humbly celebrate and share your successes.

2. Keep your promises, especially to the self. This is particularly challenging when it comes to letting go of something we love but know is not good for us be it (my sin) chocolate and salted potato chips or a relationship that hurts. 

3. Tell The Truth. Thoughts and words have the power to damage from the inside and out. Tend your weapons with awareness and intention.

4. Do your best to be your best and let it be enough. As long as we are learning and growing and healing, we are in the right places with the right people doing the right things. As we rediscover and embrace the previously shuttered parts of our Being, we heal into wholeness and become infinitely more lovable to ourselves.

5. Be the friend you wish you had. My friendship style is maternal, stalwart, truth-based, tough love. I’d rather hear and learn from a hard truth then defend and protect a painful lie.

6. Forgive yourself. Like most of us, I’m still working on this. I have never failed in a small way. My failures border on spectacular. Here’s what I’ve Learned: First, There is very little an honest admission and sincere apology won’t help; and second, Forgiveness, like everything else, is a Choice. 

7. Honor and Respect the Self first. With awareness or not, we share who we are with everyone. Once we understand and truly embrace who and what we are, we can do nothing less than Honor and Respect All Others. Choose Peace. Be Love. SS

1. Embrace Radical Self-Love. Like us, Love comes in every size, shape, color and form. Learning to recognize, acknowledge, appreciate, cherish and celebrate the self cultivates, nurtures and invites love into every other aspect of our life.  

2. We love who we love. No matter your personal preferences, everyone has the right to love how they love and who they love. Our job as individuals is To Learn to Love the Self with the same commitment, energy, passion, compassion, strength and patience we provide to our beloveds.

3. Love is never wrong. It may seem misguided, impractical, inconvenient or impossible, but Love is Never Wrong. Love is the animating force of all life. Love is present in every Lesson, in every creature, in every rock and tree and blade of grass. Love creates. Love Blesses. Love heals. How can the key to our survival, our healing, our happiness and our salvation be wrong?

4. Love is not conditional. Many of us believe being loved is a privilege we must EARN from someone else before we can accept or love our Self. Not So. Healing is giving the self permission to love and be loved for who you are. Conditional Love is Weaponized Love. If an expectation, a balance sheet, a list of requirements, spoken or unspoken rules govern interaction or communication, it isn’t Love. Remember, Love doesn’t Lie or ask you to Lie, Hide, Pretend, Deny, Damage or Subjugate the self or others, ever.

5. Think like a dog. Love everything that smells good. Welcome friends with a smile and wagging tail. Express Joy. Speak up! Show Gratitude. Trust your instincts. Be curious about new smells. Explore new flavors, ideas and experiences with curiosity. Play! Take enthusiastic naps. Cherish those you love, make new friends and expand your horizons whenever possible. Enjoy every moment. SS

1. There is no right or wrong way to live or to love. As long as no damage is occurring, aim to understand and appreciate all aspects of human diversity, especially the ones you don’t understand.

2.  Engage Compassion. All humans want the same things — Love, Peace, Acceptance, Respect, Belonging, Safety, Comfort, Friendship, Intimacy. We also all fear the same things — Death, Loneliness, Rejection, Pain. In one way or another, we all fight the same battles. No matter where you are on your own journey, you are capable of learning from and understanding the self others.

3. Tend your own house. Everyone is where they are and awakens when it’s time; and, Every soul must experience everything. When we are focused on loving and healing the self and on being and doing our best, we support and empower others to do the same. 

4. No one is wrong. Not everyone lives, loves or believes the way you do. That doesn’t make anyone wrong. We cannot know the course of another person’s spiritual progress. We can not and do not determine their Lessons. We can, however, learn from their experiences and embrace the Truths revealed by our efforts.

5. Make special effort to learn about what you don’t understand. Appreciate the joy, awe, beauty and wonder of human imagination, creativity and diversity. We are all part of the same whole — connected by the Love that brought us to life and sustains our existence. Our tapestries are irrevocably woven together. Even colors that clash can be beautiful together.

Truth + Choice = Accountability. 

Accountability + Honor and Respect = Empowerment 

Empowerment is healing by freeing the self of the need to Defend and Protect our Choices. When I am Truthful, Responsible, Honoring and Respectful No explanations, excuses, defenses or protections are required. As long as no damage is occurring, I am free to Choose and Be Who I Am.

To empower the self, you must first Learn To Trust The Self. To do that, you must Know Who You Are at your very worst; consciously choose who you want to be at your very best, and purposefully act to make it so. The moment you begin to choose with awareness, you become empowered by Accountability and the desire to be and do your very best. Regardless of outcome, you are wholly responsible and accountable for your choices, and it is no longer necessary to Defend and Protect your Choices or apologize for your life.

Whether taking a calculated risk or throwing all in with reckless abandon, you know two things with absolute certainty: You are wholly responsible for your thoughts, words and actions; and you are supremely capable of learning from your mistakes — gaining insight to the self and others, and doing better next time. 

When fully empowered by Truth and Choice, your intention is always To Learn. Your choice is always to Honor and Respect the Self and All Others At All Times. Your goal is always To Be Love. When fully empowered by Truth and Choice, you are dedicated to Love, Honor and Respect and there is no need to Defend and Protect your life, your feelings or the choices you make for The Self. Choose Peace. Be Love. SS

Choosing Gratitude and Creating Joy during the Holidays and Every Day

Forty-four years ago, with a straight back, a tear-stained face and a bloody, broken nose, I left my parents’ house in an ambulance. I spent half a day in the hospital. Two or three nights on a friend’s couch, a couple at another’s, eventually landing a safe, nine by twelve room with a large window, a comforting view and a solid door with a deadbolt right next door to a clean, little used bathroom at the White Plains, New York, YWCA. 

It took many months to heal and find work. At first, the embedded shape of my father’s knuckle in the left side of my nose caused my glasses to sit low, but when all the swelling finally went down, it was nearly invisible to everyone but me.

Each morning upon waking in my bright little room, I realized I was free. There would be no yelling. No hitting. No lying. No hiding. No blaming. No screaming. No attacks. No pretending. No accusations. No injuries. No manipulations. No blood. No recriminations. No contact ever again. I could breathe. My life was my own. I was free to live as I chose to live. I had many successes. I had many more failures. I was lonely. I was odd. I suffered from trauma and PTSD, emotional devastation and a need to survive, but by God, I got out, and I would not let the monsters win, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Here’s what I’ve Learned about setting myself free; engaging gratitude and creating joy:

I am under no obligation to be anyone other than my Self. As long as I am Learning, Healing and Growing; Honoring, Respecting and Choosing while remaining true to my heart and my Path; I am where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and I am enough. 

There are no hidden contracts or expectations to satisfy. I need not cook, clean, shop, gift, entertain, decorate, dress, perform, please, or purchase and wear an evening dress or an ugly sweater. I can do all those things if I choose to, and sometimes I do, but it isn’t a chore when it is a choice. 

It Feels Good to express love, gratitude, friendship and joy without attachment to outcome whenever one is inspired to do so. It doesn’t have to be Christmas or New Year’s or a special occasion. All Love is Good Love and Love is always yummy.

Gratitude is a magic elixir for feeling loved and generating joy. Whenever we Recognize, Acknowledge and Appreciate others for being wonderful just the way they are, we give ourselves permission to be wonderful just the way we are. What’s not magical about that? Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now.SS

1. Judgment is Good or Bad. Everything else in our existence is shaped by the play of positive and negative energy. Our job as Humans is To Learn To Be Love. Love does not Judge. Here’s an example if you’re not sure:

A statement of fact cites experience and keeps us present in the moment.

Statement: I’m irritated. I can’t get a straight answer to a very simple, very specific question. It is frustrating and enraging. I do not like how this feels. This is a Lesson in everything! Patience. Creative Thinking. Honor and Respect. Judgment. Tact. Intentional Communication. Dare I even say, Call Control. 

A Judgment Rejects, Reduces, Refuses, Negates, Limits, Diminishes or Demeans both the Judge and the Judged.

Judgment: Moron! Idiot! Dumbass! What’s wrong with you? 

See the difference?

Here’s what I’ve Learned: The moment we understand The Lessons (whether or not we are perfectly correct in our thinking, as long as we are Learning and Growing, it really doesn’t matter.) we become capable of successfully completing them. Absolutely everything needed is provided. We need only question, seek within and listen.

2. Replace Good and Bad with Positive and Negative. Positive outcomes and experiences are the result of positive, Life and Love affirming choices that Feel Good and Right. Negative outcomes and experiences are Lessons in Progress reminding us to focus on the self and tend our own garden with Impeccable Honesty, patience, intention and compassion.

3. Just because it isn’t your way, doesn’t mean it is the wrong way. As the saying goes, There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Working together for a greater good empowers everyone in the greater good. Positive energy generates more positive energy and is contagious in the very best ways. Humans who are validated, care for and validate others. Our individual and group goal is to neutralize the negatives and disempower that which is self-annihilating. By Learning and Feeling, Choosing and Healing; we create balance that supports the very best outcomes for The Whole by creating and supporting the very best outcomes for The Self.

Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now. SS

Five things I’ve learned from Pain and Limitation.

1. Accommodate sensitivities with compassion. It makes no sense to fight the river. Rather than stressing out about not being the same, embrace, explore and celebrate being different.

2. Comfort counts. I’d rather be comfortable in my own skin than waste vital energy competing with or comparing myself to others for validation, meaning or self-esteem. There will always be someone younger, smarter, thinner, prettier, richer or more successful. There will never be another me, on this mission at this time, fully present, here and now.

3. Being different does not mean being broken. It’s self destructive to diminish the self for being different. The purpose of life is To Learn. No one chooses CRPS. No one chooses to lose joyful embodiment. No one chooses forever pain. It does happen to be my physical reality. My body is delicate and encumbered. My mind and my heart are not.

4. Obsessive Vanity is self annihilating. Of course we all want to be beautiful, healthy and radiant, but Obsession with appearances is negatively focused and ultimately Diminishing. The List of Things That Are Wrong With Me That No One Can Ever Know About that I can ‘fix’ with makeup or surgery or procedures or shoulder pads, is still A List of Things That Are Wrong With Me that Judges, Diminishes and Negates the Self. 

5. None of us need to be fixed. We do all need To Be Healed. Here’s what I’ve Learned: We are all damaged, crippled, haunted, hunted, traumatized, wounded and scarred in some deep, seemingly irrevocable and life altering ways. Some of us wear it on the outside. Others bury it deep inside. We all compensate for what we believe we are missing, when in fact, we have already been provided with everything we need to understand, love and heal the self. All we need do is Choose To Be Willing To Learn. SS