The Art of Feeling Good Now

“That’s the price you pay for waking up in the morning. Everything is in free fall. We’re not wired to cope with that so we’ve all agreed to pretend it is not happening. But it is.” 

The Old Man VI

There’s no way around it.  You can no longer afford to pretend you’re  okay. You’re not. We’re not. Our planet is not. You are unhappy, plagued by horrors reflected in every aspect of the world around us. You need Peace. You need Healing. You need Love. So, how do you acknowledge Truth and get on with Healing yourself,  one another and our shared home in our current age of radical confusion?

Healing begins the moment you Choose to be your Self. With The Art of Feeling Good Now, we aim to help you reduce stress and anxiety about who you have been, accept and appreciate who you are, and Learn to Choose who you become. Cultivate Compassion, Gratitude, Forgiveness and Grace as you learn to embrace the Self and All Life with Honor, Respect and Unconditional Love. 

Dear Me,

Thank you for choosing to accept me as I am.

Thank you for helping me To Learn, Heal and Grow.

Thank you for Learning To Receive Love.

Thank you for embracing Humility and  Gratitude.

Thank you for fully engaging with life.

Thank you for struggling with the hard stuff and standing in Truth.

Thank you for being Willing to learn and learn and learn.

Thank you for the strength, resilience, tenacity and Will to live with reason, meaning, and purpose; to create a life I am proud of; to be someone I like and respect, and, by virtue of my work, to be of service to others.

I love you. I am proud of you. I am with you.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love, Me.

Here’s what I’ve Learned: It is better to be alone with someone I Love than to be lonely with anyone else, and, Being My Own Valentine Is Being Content with Someone I Love.  Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now. SS

1. In all things, be Accountable. Admit to and take responsibility for your mistakes. Humbly celebrate and share your successes.

2. Keep your promises, especially to the self. This is particularly challenging when it comes to letting go of something we love but know is not good for us be it (my sin) chocolate and salted potato chips or a relationship that hurts. 

3. Tell The Truth. Thoughts and words have the power to damage from the inside and out. Tend your weapons with awareness and intention.

4. Do your best to be your best and let it be enough. As long as we are learning and growing and healing, we are in the right places with the right people doing the right things. As we rediscover and embrace the previously shuttered parts of our Being, we heal into wholeness and become infinitely more lovable to ourselves.

5. Be the friend you wish you had. My friendship style is maternal, stalwart, truth-based, tough love. I’d rather hear and learn from a hard truth then defend and protect a painful lie.

6. Forgive yourself. Like most of us, I’m still working on this. I have never failed in a small way. My failures border on spectacular. Here’s what I’ve Learned: First, There is very little an honest admission and sincere apology won’t help; and second, Forgiveness, like everything else, is a Choice. 

7. Honor and Respect the Self first. With awareness or not, we share who we are with everyone. Once we understand and truly embrace who and what we are, we can do nothing less than Honor and Respect All Others. Choose Peace. Be Love. SS

1. Embrace Radical Self-Love. Like us, Love comes in every size, shape, color and form. Learning to recognize, acknowledge, appreciate, cherish and celebrate the self cultivates, nurtures and invites love into every other aspect of our life.  

2. We love who we love. No matter your personal preferences, everyone has the right to love how they love and who they love. Our job as individuals is To Learn to Love the Self with the same commitment, energy, passion, compassion, strength and patience we provide to our beloveds.

3. Love is never wrong. It may seem misguided, impractical, inconvenient or impossible, but Love is Never Wrong. Love is the animating force of all life. Love is present in every Lesson, in every creature, in every rock and tree and blade of grass. Love creates. Love Blesses. Love heals. How can the key to our survival, our healing, our happiness and our salvation be wrong?

4. Love is not conditional. Many of us believe being loved is a privilege we must EARN from someone else before we can accept or love our Self. Not So. Healing is giving the self permission to love and be loved for who you are. Conditional Love is Weaponized Love. If an expectation, a balance sheet, a list of requirements, spoken or unspoken rules govern interaction or communication, it isn’t Love. Remember, Love doesn’t Lie or ask you to Lie, Hide, Pretend, Deny, Damage or Subjugate the self or others, ever.

5. Think like a dog. Love everything that smells good. Welcome friends with a smile and wagging tail. Express Joy. Speak up! Show Gratitude. Trust your instincts. Be curious about new smells. Explore new flavors, ideas and experiences with curiosity. Play! Take enthusiastic naps. Cherish those you love, make new friends and expand your horizons whenever possible. Enjoy every moment. SS

1. There is no right or wrong way to live or to love. As long as no damage is occurring, aim to understand and appreciate all aspects of human diversity, especially the ones you don’t understand.

2.  Engage Compassion. All humans want the same things — Love, Peace, Acceptance, Respect, Belonging, Safety, Comfort, Friendship, Intimacy. We also all fear the same things — Death, Loneliness, Rejection, Pain. In one way or another, we all fight the same battles. No matter where you are on your own journey, you are capable of learning from and understanding the self others.

3. Tend your own house. Everyone is where they are and awakens when it’s time; and, Every soul must experience everything. When we are focused on loving and healing the self and on being and doing our best, we support and empower others to do the same. 

4. No one is wrong. Not everyone lives, loves or believes the way you do. That doesn’t make anyone wrong. We cannot know the course of another person’s spiritual progress. We can not and do not determine their Lessons. We can, however, learn from their experiences and embrace the Truths revealed by our efforts.

5. Make special effort to learn about what you don’t understand. Appreciate the joy, awe, beauty and wonder of human imagination, creativity and diversity. We are all part of the same whole — connected by the Love that brought us to life and sustains our existence. Our tapestries are irrevocably woven together. Even colors that clash can be beautiful together.

Some of the The hardest Lessons require us to Honor and Respect the Choice a loved one makes to self-destruct. In providing the necessary service of Bearing Witness, we are generously spared direct damage and personal anguish. We engage empathy, cultivate compassion and gain insight from another’s experience that allows us to make necessary choices for the self.

Here’s what I’ve Learned: Love is Compassionate, not self-annihilating. Love doesn’t stay angry, hold grudges, nurse bitterness, punish or harbor resentments that only damage the self. Love doesn’t Lie, Pretend, or Hide. Neither does Love stay where Love cannot flourish.

When you Feel Good; if you are happy and well; learning, growing, healing, expanding your capacity for Love, enjoying your life and the results of your choices, no matter what they are, I Honor, Respect, and joyfully support you. 

But when you do not Feel Good: If you are unsmiling, shrinking and gray; if you are Frustrated, Bitter, Angry, Resentful, Anxious, Exhausted; If you are excusing, rationalizing, complaining or explaining, if you are unhappy and dissatisfied despite all the good things in your life, you are also aware that something inside needs your immediate, loving attention. 

Lying, Hiding and Pretending damages, dishonors; disrespects, and disconnects you from your Truth, your Self and your most Joyful, Authentic Life. One can choose to self-destruct as fast or slow as they need or want to. We can Learn and Leave or Learn and Stay. The Question is: If one is not Learning, Healing, Choosing and Growing, what purposes are The Pain and subsequent Damage serving? To get real answers, start asking real questions: Who Am I? Do I like my self? Do I Feel Good? Am I The Best Me I Can Be? To start Healing start listening to, honoring and respecting the answers. Choose Peace. Be Love. SS

Truth + Choice = Accountability. 

Accountability + Honor and Respect = Empowerment 

Empowerment is healing by freeing the self of the need to Defend and Protect our Choices. When I am Truthful, Responsible, Honoring and Respectful No explanations, excuses, defenses or protections are required. As long as no damage is occurring, I am free to Choose and Be Who I Am.

To empower the self, you must first Learn To Trust The Self. To do that, you must Know Who You Are at your very worst; consciously choose who you want to be at your very best, and purposefully act to make it so. The moment you begin to choose with awareness, you become empowered by Accountability and the desire to be and do your very best. Regardless of outcome, you are wholly responsible and accountable for your choices, and it is no longer necessary to Defend and Protect your Choices or apologize for your life.

Whether taking a calculated risk or throwing all in with reckless abandon, you know two things with absolute certainty: You are wholly responsible for your thoughts, words and actions; and you are supremely capable of learning from your mistakes — gaining insight to the self and others, and doing better next time. 

When fully empowered by Truth and Choice, your intention is always To Learn. Your choice is always to Honor and Respect the Self and All Others At All Times. Your goal is always To Be Love. When fully empowered by Truth and Choice, you are dedicated to Love, Honor and Respect and there is no need to Defend and Protect your life, your feelings or the choices you make for The Self. Choose Peace. Be Love. SS

Equanimity — the state of mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.

1. Honor and Respect The Self and All Others At All Times. Humans at Peace Within have no need to be Offensive or Defensive. We are not at war. There is no battle. We do not fight. We Observe. We Recognize. We Acknowledge. We Admit, and We Choose.

2.  Whenever Possible, Let it Go. Relinquish Control over everything not in personal purview. When something doesn’t Feel Good or Right or True; if it can’t be helped, fixed, solved or changed, it is healthy to let it go. 

3. Suspend Judgment, especially of The Self. Remember, Humans Learn by Failing and process of elimination. Our greatest failures occur when we Fail To Learn from the mistakes we make. 

4. Tell the Truth, especially to The Self. Stop! Lying, Storytelling, Embellishing, Excusing and Exaggerating. Remember: if it happened, it was necessary. The questions are: How is this for me? and What am I meant To Learn from this experience?

5. Embrace Impeccable Honesty. Say what you mean and mean what you say. There is nothing more off-putting than disingenuous presentation and prevarication. 

6. Learn to say, No! When No! means, No! Say, Yes! When the Yes! is Desired. It’s okay to say, Maybe, and ask for time out when consideration or space is required. You need not apologize, explain or justify Honor and Respect for The Self. Remember: Empowerment is healing by freeing yourself of the need to Defend and Protect your Choices.

Here’s what I’ve Learned: Always Show Up. Be present in the moment. Stand Up and Speak Up only when you can be truthful, helpful, brief and on target. Spend more time Listening than Speaking. When in doubt, say, No! to The Mouth. If we can’t be Impeccable silence is preferable.

As long as no damage is occurring, you are free to Choose who you want to be and joyfully be Who You Are. No explanations required. Choose Peace. Be Love. SS

1. Embrace Truth. As Prince Harry said, Where there’s no Truth or Accountability, there can be no conversation.

2. Empower Choice. As Long as I am Honoring and Respecting, Learning Growing, Healing and Choosing, I am in the right place at the right time with the right people doing the right things, and I am enough. 

3. Trust Love. To quote Keb Mo, You can’t measure your love by the depths of your pain. 

4. Question. I don’t know. I can’t know until I ask. I learn about myself and others by questioning, listening, observing and choosing based on my experiences of what does and does not Feel Good. 

5. Challenge Hypocrisy. There is nothing worse than, Do as I say, not as I do. At every opportunity negate the double standards that allow some humans to condemn that which they are and do in others. It’s like a thief saying, Hey, I’m the only one allowed to Lie, Cheat and Steal! Everyone else better follow the rules. Um, No. Your Avarice comes at too great a cost. 

6. Be Who I Am. Lying, Hiding and Pretending is exhausting. Being comfortable in my own skin; liking and Being Who I am is much better fun.

7. Invite and welcome Joy. Sometimes it’s silly walks or cartoon voices. Sometimes we build a monument. Sometimes it’s as simple as a sunrise or a quiet weekend at home undisturbed. Joy is personal to everyone. As long as there is no damage or harm involved, unabashedly do that which brings the most Joy. Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now. SS

Be Gentle With My Self and Others

1. Suspend Judgment. Embrace Humility. The Judgments we received are the Judgments we believe. We Judge ourselves in the ways we were Judged. It’s mostly automatic. We don’t even realize we’re doing it. In truth, the only one judging you is you; and we are always our own harshest critics. We learn by failure and do-overs; not by berating, diminishing, devaluing or negating our desire, talent, or worthiness.

The world is still crazy but we needn’t be. There are many who would say it’s time to ‘Get right with God,’ I’m here to tell you that you, the world, our country, our families, friends, cohabitants and God (however you relate to the concept) are best served when you Get right with yourself.  

Speak Truth with kindness, especially to yourself. Tearing one’s self apart — berating, degrading, criticizing, even name calling (No, Louise, you are not a bitch. You’re a human in pain who is not yet learning.) — is not now and will never be Honoring and Respectful of the Self or anyone else. Being kind is not the same as letting yourself off the hook by hiding, making excuses or assigning blame. Being kind is telling yourself the truth, processing The Pain, and making choices about how to do better next time. 

We don’t yell at or berate a child who’s learning to walk. When she stumbles, we say, Great Job! help her up, give her a hug, commend her courage, hold her hand until she’s steady on her feet, and release her to go again. Learning to be gentle with our Self is no different. 

Whether we actually fail or experience thoughts and feelings usually associated with failure, the Questions are the same: Do I like Who I Am in this moment? Does this Feel Good? If not, what would? What is the best possible outcome? What shall I to do to make it so?

At the end of the day, the only question that really matters is, Did I do my very best today? and if not, what will I do differently tomorrow? Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now. SS

Choosing Gratitude and Creating Joy during the Holidays and Every Day

Forty-four years ago, with a straight back, a tear-stained face and a bloody, broken nose, I left my parents’ house in an ambulance. I spent half a day in the hospital. Two or three nights on a friend’s couch, a couple at another’s, eventually landing a safe, nine by twelve room with a large window, a comforting view and a solid door with a deadbolt right next door to a clean, little used bathroom at the White Plains, New York, YWCA. 

It took many months to heal and find work. At first, the embedded shape of my father’s knuckle in the left side of my nose caused my glasses to sit low, but when all the swelling finally went down, it was nearly invisible to everyone but me.

Each morning upon waking in my bright little room, I realized I was free. There would be no yelling. No hitting. No lying. No hiding. No blaming. No screaming. No attacks. No pretending. No accusations. No injuries. No manipulations. No blood. No recriminations. No contact ever again. I could breathe. My life was my own. I was free to live as I chose to live. I had many successes. I had many more failures. I was lonely. I was odd. I suffered from trauma and PTSD, emotional devastation and a need to survive, but by God, I got out, and I would not let the monsters win, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Here’s what I’ve Learned about setting myself free; engaging gratitude and creating joy:

I am under no obligation to be anyone other than my Self. As long as I am Learning, Healing and Growing; Honoring, Respecting and Choosing while remaining true to my heart and my Path; I am where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and I am enough. 

There are no hidden contracts or expectations to satisfy. I need not cook, clean, shop, gift, entertain, decorate, dress, perform, please, or purchase and wear an evening dress or an ugly sweater. I can do all those things if I choose to, and sometimes I do, but it isn’t a chore when it is a choice. 

It Feels Good to express love, gratitude, friendship and joy without attachment to outcome whenever one is inspired to do so. It doesn’t have to be Christmas or New Year’s or a special occasion. All Love is Good Love and Love is always yummy.

Gratitude is a magic elixir for feeling loved and generating joy. Whenever we Recognize, Acknowledge and Appreciate others for being wonderful just the way they are, we give ourselves permission to be wonderful just the way we are. What’s not magical about that? Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now.SS

If anyone ever says, You are not normal, Smile! and say, It takes one to know one.

It does, and you do. 

Like attracts like. Humans who Judge what is and is not normal in others are concerned with not being normal themselves. 

Everything I see is me. The mirror reveals Truth in Reflection. Positive, Negative or Neutral, anything we can recognize in others is part of Who I Am. Positive effects include buoyancy, joy, warmth, awe, wonder, bliss, satisfaction and gratitude. Negative effects are repulsive; inspiring anger, resentment, bitterness or disgust that initiates Defensive and Protective protocols. Neutral effects are non-threatening events or circumstances we notice or observe and may even enjoy watching without a corresponding empirical response. 

All Is Lesson. All Lessons are Positive in that they show us to ourselves; reveal essential Truths about Who We Are, and provide opportunities To Choose. Positive effects are the result of Lessons Learned that continue to be relevant as they challenge our thinking and help us to hone our automatic responses. Negative effects are Lessons as yet unrecognized, unacknowledged, unlearned or otherwise In Progress. Neutral effects are the result of healing and experience that allow us to be objective and help us differentiate between our own Lessons and those of others in which we are playing a role, performing a service, witnessing or observing.

It takes one to know one. We Damage The Self and Others in the same ways we were Damaged. The moment we recognize the self in reflection, we are capable of understanding others. The person who abandons experienced abandonment. The one who says you are broken, unworthy, unacceptable or not enough believes he is broken, unworthy, unacceptable or not enough. The person who betrayed was herself betrayed and betrays herself. The person who dismisses was dismissed and dismisses their own instincts and intuition. The one who says your magical, beautiful, imaginative, theatrical, creative, expressive, colorful, magnificent, genuine self is not normal feels out of place and not normal and deserves our compassion not our enmity. Every hurtful thing they think about, say to or about you they believe is absolutely true about the self.

Humans who can clearly see the self are also capable of clearly seeing others. With clarity comes Understanding, Spiritual Generosity, Healing, Release and Forgiveness. We are all struggling; traumatized, challenged and doing our best to be our best in a crazy, unpredictable and often terrifying world. 

With understanding comes compassion. With compassion, we can heal ourselves, one another and our world. SS

Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now.

1. Judgment is Good or Bad. Everything else in our existence is shaped by the play of positive and negative energy. Our job as Humans is To Learn To Be Love. Love does not Judge. Here’s an example if you’re not sure:

A statement of fact cites experience and keeps us present in the moment.

Statement: I’m irritated. I can’t get a straight answer to a very simple, very specific question. It is frustrating and enraging. I do not like how this feels. This is a Lesson in everything! Patience. Creative Thinking. Honor and Respect. Judgment. Tact. Intentional Communication. Dare I even say, Call Control. 

A Judgment Rejects, Reduces, Refuses, Negates, Limits, Diminishes or Demeans both the Judge and the Judged.

Judgment: Moron! Idiot! Dumbass! What’s wrong with you? 

See the difference?

Here’s what I’ve Learned: The moment we understand The Lessons (whether or not we are perfectly correct in our thinking, as long as we are Learning and Growing, it really doesn’t matter.) we become capable of successfully completing them. Absolutely everything needed is provided. We need only question, seek within and listen.

2. Replace Good and Bad with Positive and Negative. Positive outcomes and experiences are the result of positive, Life and Love affirming choices that Feel Good and Right. Negative outcomes and experiences are Lessons in Progress reminding us to focus on the self and tend our own garden with Impeccable Honesty, patience, intention and compassion.

3. Just because it isn’t your way, doesn’t mean it is the wrong way. As the saying goes, There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Working together for a greater good empowers everyone in the greater good. Positive energy generates more positive energy and is contagious in the very best ways. Humans who are validated, care for and validate others. Our individual and group goal is to neutralize the negatives and disempower that which is self-annihilating. By Learning and Feeling, Choosing and Healing; we create balance that supports the very best outcomes for The Whole by creating and supporting the very best outcomes for The Self.

Choose Peace. Be Love. Overflow. Start Now. SS

Five things I’ve learned from Pain and Limitation.

1. Accommodate sensitivities with compassion. It makes no sense to fight the river. Rather than stressing out about not being the same, embrace, explore and celebrate being different.

2. Comfort counts. I’d rather be comfortable in my own skin than waste vital energy competing with or comparing myself to others for validation, meaning or self-esteem. There will always be someone younger, smarter, thinner, prettier, richer or more successful. There will never be another me, on this mission at this time, fully present, here and now.

3. Being different does not mean being broken. It’s self destructive to diminish the self for being different. The purpose of life is To Learn. No one chooses CRPS. No one chooses to lose joyful embodiment. No one chooses forever pain. It does happen to be my physical reality. My body is delicate and encumbered. My mind and my heart are not.

4. Obsessive Vanity is self annihilating. Of course we all want to be beautiful, healthy and radiant, but Obsession with appearances is negatively focused and ultimately Diminishing. The List of Things That Are Wrong With Me That No One Can Ever Know About that I can ‘fix’ with makeup or surgery or procedures or shoulder pads, is still A List of Things That Are Wrong With Me that Judges, Diminishes and Negates the Self. 

5. None of us need to be fixed. We do all need To Be Healed. Here’s what I’ve Learned: We are all damaged, crippled, haunted, hunted, traumatized, wounded and scarred in some deep, seemingly irrevocable and life altering ways. Some of us wear it on the outside. Others bury it deep inside. We all compensate for what we believe we are missing, when in fact, we have already been provided with everything we need to understand, love and heal the self. All we need do is Choose To Be Willing To Learn. SS

1. Feeling Good on the inside reflects on the outside.  Unless you are purposefully wearing a hair shirt or walking with a pebble in your shoe, there’s no point in wearing clothes or shoes that hurt. If you can’t breathe, move freely, lift your arms or bend in the middle without tugging and pulling at the bottom; if it itches, grabs, pulls, pinches, rides, rubs, scratches, digs, squeezes, squishes, irritates or is in any way uncomfortable, let it go. Donate, consign or responsibility recycle. Smile. You did good.

2. Laugh out loud. Laughter is good for anything that ails us, even sadness, even pain. Whether it’s pet videos, stand-up, slapstick, dress up, role play, community theater or a visit to the dog park, invite and allow Joy.

3. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Give yourself some room to be Human. Allocate a Judgment Free Zone in which to observe, examine and embrace your foibles and failures. Our perceived weaknesses are often the seeds of our greatest strengths. 

4. Play! Puppies. Kittens. Crayons. Other people’s kids. There is nothing more freeing or soothing than play for its own sake. Be a little goofy once in a while! Entertain your inner child. You may discover something new about yourself to Love. SS

1. Actively Recognize, Acknowledge and Admit To your mistakes.  Who are you more likely to Trust? The person you know will tell the truth no matter what or the one whose word may not be reliable? 

2. Practice being Accountable by Being Accountable. It takes much less time and vital energy to be honest and direct than it does to Pretend, Lie and Hide. Who are you more likely to embrace: the person who shows up fully present and accounted for or the one who appears disingenuous?

3. Whenever possible, make amends. Sometimes it’s spiritual. Sometimes it’s material. Sometimes a combination of both. Accountable Humans restore equanimity however, wherever and whenever possible without creating any new Damage. Be creative. Engage compassion. What would you need if it were you? What might they need from you?

4. Embrace Remorse. There is a distinct difference between appropriate Remorse and unnecessary self-flagellation. In the former, upon becoming aware of our Damage, we engage in self-reflection and experience appropriate heartache and sorrow. With care and attention, we Learn and in time, we Heal. In the latter, we do what was done to us — vilify, blame, diminish and punish ourselves and others for being broken or for failing to be worthy of Love. 

5. Remedy Regret. In Jane Fonda in Five Acts, the feminist icon said, I do not want to get to the end of life with a lot of regrets; and I know the regrets won’t be for what I did, they’ll be for the things I didn’t do. And, said Dan Connor of The Connors, Take it from an old man, it’s easier to live with failure than it is to live with regret. 

Here’s what I’ve Learned: It’s better to summon courage and take a risk than it is to doubt the self and forever wonder, What if? 

1. Choosing Truth means no more lying to the self about anything, ever. Be as honest about your mistakes and failures as you are about your brilliance and accomplishments. 

2. There is always a choice. With or without awareness, from the moment we wake each day to the moment we fall into sleep and maybe even in our dreams, we are always making choices. Once we can Recognize and Acknowledge that our choices dictate our experience, we have the power to change our experience.

3. Choose to Embrace Truth. Stories are magnificent tools for observational learning, self-reflection and entertainment. However, since no two Humans experience any one event or condition in exactly the same way, many Truths exist simultaneously. We need not agree with anyone or convince anyone to agree with us in order to Honor and Respect one another. When we embrace All Truth the greatest good prevails.

4. The Truth is more nourishing than any lie. We believe it when we say it, but if it isn’t really the truth, our lie will damage the self and others. Think of all the energy required to invent the story, tell the story, embellish the story, repeat the story, defend the story. Most of the time, all we really want is to be Recognized, Included, Validated, Supported or Acknowledged. Being honest about our own motivations makes it easier to understand the motivations of others.

5. Honesty is easier to live with. Truth is easier to live by. It takes immense energy to Lie, Hide, and Pretend. Why waste valuable resources? Who would you prefer to be with? The human who tells a fabricated story and works you for what they want like an animal trainer with a treat or the one who is honest about what is most needed and desired and asks? Being Honest with the Self empowers Honesty with others.